Whistle The Wind

Nigel Drummond (Saturday, October 4)

2008-12-23T13:06:00.004-05:00

On Saturday night it was my Grandma's birthday. We had a cake with a bunch of candles.

I asked Grandma how old she is but she wouldn't tell me. Daddy said I could figure it out because I know how old he is and if I asked Grandma how old she was when she had Daddy, I could use addition to find out.

Grandma said she was four when she had Daddy.

I didn't understand why everyone thought that was funny until Mommy explained that Grandma was pretending to be younger then she is for a joke.

I still didn't really get the joke, but Neville said he thought it was funny, so I laughed.

Mommy and Daddy got Grandma an exercise bicycle for her birthday.

I wouldn't like to get an exercise bicycle for my birthday but Grandma liked it. She says if she rides the bike that she will be able to play basketball better. Grandma likes to play sports better than any old lady I know. Everyone in my whole family likes sports except me.

I went to bed and had a funny dream that I was playing in our yard and there was a unicorn there!

I wanted to keep dreaming about the unicorn but I dreamed instead that I had to pee and then I woke up and I really did have to pee.

I was glad I woke up in time this time!

I remembered that the toilet in my bathroom is broke so I went to use Neville's.

When I went past the stairs, I heard the grownups talking in the family room. Mommy always says it's not nice to eavesdrop but they were talking about me so I did eavesdrop. And I peeked over the banister and looked at them, too.

They were talking about Sophia Baldwin who is a mean girl at my old school. She used to pick on me all the time and make me cry. She picked on Neville, too, but he didn't cry except one time.

Mommy said that Sophia might start going to Jarman Academy which is my new school. Daddy and Grandma kept saying for her not to worry.

Since Mommy said she wouldn't be worried, I thought that I should not worry, either, but I did.

Sophia's Ire (Friday, October 3)

2008-12-17T12:19:00.007-05:00

I am so mad!

Dad gives Marcus all kinds of stuff and he never gives me anything. I don't usually get mad at Dad but now I am. The first thing was he bought Marcus a whole bunch of new pajamas and didn't get me anything excpet a stupid watch that I already broke.

Then Dad found out about some people called Design in a Day and they come and redo your whole room in one day. So I was real excited except for two things. Marcus got his room done first and that made me mad. Marcus always gets everything first because he's little and that's dumb.

His room looks pretty and mine is still ugly. And he doesn't even care because he's a stupid baby.

The other thing is that Dad is getting these design people to redo the bonus room because we have to get a NANNY! And she is going to live here!

I don't need a nanny like some stupid baby. I can take care of myself.

I don't need a nanny to stay here and boss me around all the time. And the lady we will probably get for our nanny has a baby! I hate babies! They smell bad and they're dumb!

I don't understand why my mom just can't take care of us.

Mom never does anything nice for us like other moms do for their kids. I hate her!

And I am mad because Dad says I might have to go to private school at the Jarman Academy, which is where those retards Neville and Nigel Drummond go.

I might not be mad about that later. I hate the school where I go now.

The teachers are stupid and they make us learn stupid stuff. The playground is stupid. The lunchroom is stupid. And all the kids are stupid except my best friend Marisa Japp.

I am going to be mad if I have to go to private school without Marisa!

The only good thing that happened is that since the nanny has to live in the bonus room, Dad moved the computer into my room!

Now I just have to make Dad buy me some more games! All we have now is some snowboard game and The Sims. Those games are stupid. Especially The Sims. The only fun thing I like to do in The Sims is make Sims of people I know and then be mean to them. Like I have Sims of the Drummond boys and I make Nigel pee in his pants all the time just like he did in school last year.

Haha, if I go to the Jarman Academy with them, I am going to make all the kids call him "Nigel Pee Pants"! Hahahahahahaha!

Kate Seldon (Thursday, Oct 2)

2008-12-15T11:01:00.004-05:00

I was eight months pregnant when I graduated from high school and I knew that my life would never be easy again.

My daughter, Brianna, is my whole life. I would do anything for my little girl.

We don't do to bad for a single parent family. I work at the grocery store full time and I make enough for us to have our own place.

Well, I wish I could afford a double wide. Some of them are almost like houses. But for now, Bri and me are stuck here, which is not even really a single wide. It's one big room with a Murphy bed and Brianna's crib has to be shoved up right next to the front door.

But it's ours and it's clean.

So I thought we was doing pretty good until a couple of months ago, when there started to be problems with Brianna's daycare. I get a subsidy from the government to send Brianna to daycare, but she has to go to the daycare with all the other low income kids and most of them are just pure T trash.

This one little boy kept biting her and they didn't do nothing about it.

I don't think they were feeding her the special healthy treats I fix every night to send with her.

And then she came home with lice and that was the last straw.

I about died. Lice!

So I got to thinking about jobs I could get where I wouldn't have to send Brianna to daycare while I work. And I hit on the idea of being a nanny.

I don't mean a babysitter. I mean a real, rich person, Mary Poppins without the funny dress, sure thing nanny. I applied to an agency that is real strict on both sides. I had to take a drug test and a background check and the people that apply to employ a nanny are screened really careful, too. So I don't have to worry about going to live in the house with some psychopathic axe murderer.

It took several weeks but finally the agency hooked me up with a family needing my help. I talked to the father on the phone. He's a scientist! For real! Like with test tubes and everything! So I was pretty excited. 'Cause I kept thinking about what it would mean to Brianna to grow up in a house with a scientist's family. Much better than her hanging out with those trashy little lice spreading hoodlums she has to spend her days with now.

Dr. Baldwin (that's his name) set up an interview time for us, and he also told me all about his kids and what they were like. I am sure they will be good playmates for Bri!

I did think it was kind of weird that the mother in the family is a stay at home mom. What does she even need a nanny for? I mean, if she had like ten kids, I could see needing some help, but how hard is it to take care of two kids when you don't even have to have a job?

But, really, I don't care. I guess that's just how rich people are. Whatever. All I know is that this is going to be a great thing for my daughter. And who doesn't want the very best for their kids?

Ben Takes Time Off (Monday, Sept 29 - Wednesday, Oct 1)

2008-12-12T11:00:00.001-05:00

After staying up so late Sunday night, helping Laurel clean up her kitchen, I overslept Monday morning and nearly didn't make it to work on time.

I want to give my best to my kids, my job, and to Laurel, but there are just too many things pulling on me. I thought that if I could just get enough time to get caught up on all the things I needed to do, I could then stay caught up without half killing myself running here and there.

I decided to take Tuesday off. My experiment did not need my attention at the moment, and I had been in the lab all weekend, so today was a good day to try to play catch up in my personal life.

I also told Laurel that I thought we ought to take a little time apart this week.

I'm going to miss her like hell, but it'll be worse if I keel over dead from exhaustion. Besides, in addition to everything else I have going on, I'm trying to get Sophia into the Jarman Academy. That's the private school Dr. Drummond's kids attend, and she's always raving about how great it is. I'm sure Sophia's grades are good enough to get in, but I have to fill out a long ass application and arrange for references and interviews and all that mess. And I have to have it all done this week.

Plus there are a million other things I need to do. Like getting Marcus some non-girly pajamas. And I guess Laurel could use the time off, herself. She's got a lot going on, getting ready for her Grand Opening and everything. I'm thinking she could use some extra hours in the day, even if she won't admit it.

I went shopping on Tuesday after I got Sophia off to school. I got several sets of PJs for Marcus, but they didn't have any decent ones for Sophia. That was troublesome. She's likely to get upset if he gets something and she doesn't. So I got her a real, big-girl watch. If she has a fit over the PJs, I'll give her the watch. If she doesn't notice, I can put it aside for Christmas.

I'm getting so damn organized!

Anyway, it turned out to be a good thing I did arrange for some time off, because by the time I got home from shopping, I felt like hammered shit. At first, I thought I was just tired, but then I recognized the symptoms of the flu.

Isabel said she thought she might have it, too.

It was a struggle, but I did manage to complete Sophia's application to the Jarman Academy.

I felt so bad, I took Wednesday off work, too.

Sophia woke up sick Wednesday morning. I kept her home from school and just let her goof off all day.

I'm afraid I didn't pay much attention to Marcus, either. I stuck him in his high chair and let him watch Blue's Clues all afternoon.

Isabel wasn't much help. She said her sinuses were bothering her.

It was when I was lying on the couch in a fever-haze that I reached an important conclusion.

I decided that the time has come to hire a nanny.

I've been thinking about this for quite a while now. But I never could bring myself to do it. It means admitting that something is wrong with my wife - so wrong that she can't or won't take care of her own kids.

And even now, I feel bad about it. Like, if I wasn't spending so much time with Laurel, I could do more for my family.

But if I have a nanny to do the everyday stuff, like feeding the kids and cleaning up after them, I can concentrate on the good stuff. I can play with them and take them to the park and help Sophia with her homework and read to Marcus. All that kind of stuff a Dad should do.

Isabel was pretty pissed off when she looked at my laptop and saw that I'd been searching for a nanny. I don't feel like getting into the shit she started over that.

I feel like right now, hiring a nanny is the best thing for our family. And so that's what's going to happen!

Vince Jamison (Monday, Sept 29)

2008-12-10T12:08:00.001-05:00

So I was in the storeroom at the bookstore Monday morning, minding my own business, when I hear someone out front BELLOWING for me to come and wait on her.

I went out there fixin' to give her a piece of my mind, I tell you what.

But then it turned out to be that TOTAL HOTTIE Laurel Hastings who lives next door to me! w00t!

She was buying a book on fire management, which I thought was pretty damn funny, seeing as how she just set fire to her kitchen yesterday. Well, OK, she says she didn't cause the fire, that it was bad wiring, but hey, I've lived here for three years and never had a problem with my wiring yet, so I'm thinking it was really her burning some bacon or something and she's just too ashamed to admit it. But, since she's a total smokin' hottie - hahahahaha, get it? Smokin'?!?!? - well, I didn't say anything about the book and how funny I thought it all was.

We talked for a really long time and I told her all about my family and how come I moved to this town and how I got started with my bookstore and then we talked about the city council and how I think they suck and the new zoning laws and the broohaha over that and how all the lawyers down at the courthouse are just a bunch of crooks and in the city council's pocket. Laurel seemed really interested in local politics.

Yep, she's totally hot. But you know me, well, I guess you don't know me, but never mind that. I have a THING for fit looking redheads. The only problem with Laurel is that I'm pretty sure she has a boyfriend. She didn't say anything about him today, but I've seen him coming 'round her place kind of late at night.

Still, I think I can get her. I mean, I definitely sensed some chemistry between us!

Laurel's Monday (Monday, Sept 29)

2008-12-09T11:02:00.002-05:00

Monday was a pretty hectic day.

I got up early and went to the grocery store, since the fire had burned up all my food. Not that I have a stove to cook anything on at the moment, but Robert promises he'll be bringing one around as soon as possible.

Ah, well, the refrigerator still works. I can eat cold cereal to my heart's content.

I got to the grocery store so early, they weren't even open yet. I had to stand around outside for ten minutes, waiting for them to unlock the doors.

That made me feel pretty good - like a real go-getter, up with the chickens.

After doing my grocery shopping, I decided to make a quick stop by Jamison Books to see if they had anything about fire safety. I don't know, I guess seeing my kitchen in flames upset me more than I thought. I just have an urge now to learn all I can about how to protect myself from fires.

Jamison's did have several books on fire safety. I chose the most basic looking one to start with. I can come back for the others later if I want.

This was supposed to have been a quick trip, but it took forever to get waited on at the checkout counter. Normally, I am pretty patient in situations like that, but I kept thinking about the gallon of milk in the backseat of my car and finally I had to call out for someone to hurry up and help me.

Then I found out that "Jamison" of "Jamison Books" is actually none other than Vince Jamison, the guy who lives in the apartment next to mine.

When I saw Vince, I felt really embarrassed about about hollering for someone to come and wait on me. But I consoled myself by thinking about how embarrassed he must be to be standing face to face with the lady who hears through the wall when he watches dirty movies late at night.

Vince didn't seem a bit shy, though. In fact, he talked and talked and talked and talked and TALKED. I know everything there is to know about Vince Jamison now, because he told me his entire life story. I kept thinking about the milk in my car and trying to edge away.

I was very relieved when another customer came up and Vince had to go wait on her.

I'll admit I scrambled out of the store with a bit less grace than I would have liked.

Robert still hadn't installed a new stove when I got home, but he did at least drag off the smoking ruins of the trash compactor and replace it with a plastic garbage can.

All of my clothes smelled like smoke, so I did what felt like 437 loads of laundry.

I didn't get a thing done at the shop today, and didn't even have a minute to sit down at the sewing machine!

It looks as if I'll be having more spare time in the near future, though. Ben stopped by after work to tell me he's not going to be able to see me for about a week. He's trying to get Sophia into a private school, and he needs some time to work on the applications and so forth.

I told him I understood.

To be quite honest, I guess it's probably a good thing. I'll miss seeing Ben for the next few days, but I have a million things to get ready before the Grand Opening.

I'll just have to look forward to seeing him again next week.

A Little Relief (Sunday, Sept 28)

2008-12-08T11:33:00.001-05:00

After getting Laurel's phone call, I rushed home from the lab as quickly as I could. Isabel and Sophia were both asleep when I got there. Thank God!

I fed Marcus, gave him a bath, and hustled him into bed.

I also made a mental note to buy him some new pajamas this week. What the hell is up with these little pink squiggly things? What are those even supposed to BE?

I was worn out. It had been a seriously long day already. But I went over to Laurel's, anyway. I made it over there about 11:00.

I felt really bad when I saw her. I mean, really bad.

She was trying to get her kitchen cleaned up. She was worn out and in shock and trying to scrub up all that sticky black mess from the smoke.

She didn't say one word of complaint.

But that didn't fool me. I could tell how upset she was.

I helped her finish scrubbing the cabinets. That black smutty residue from the smoke was a bitch to get off!

Then we stretched out on the couch together to rest. A tight squeeze for the two of us, but always nice.

I kept thinking about what it would be like if Laurel was my wife instead of Isabel. What I wouldn't give to be able to take care of Laurel AND my children the way I want to! I'm sick of always shortchanging someone as I shuffle them around.

But I can't get a divorce. I can't! I know that Isabel would fight me for the kids just to spite me. Judges are always inclined to give full custody to the mother. I would probably end up seeing the kids only every other weekend and two weeks in the summer. Maybe every other Christmas if I got lucky.

I can't leave them on their own with Isabel for all that time.

I can't ignore Laurel when she needs me. Hell, I can't ignore her when I need her, either! And this is all unfair to her, too.

I just hope I was able to give her a little relief tonight.

Heidi Drummond, Ph.D. (Sunday, Sept 28)

2008-12-06T19:15:00.001-05:00

There are many, many reasons why I love my dear husband, Joel.

One of them is that he understands the delicate balance between family life and professional life.

Since I had to stay at the lab and help Dr. Baldwin fix the mess he'd made of his most recent experiment, I was quite late getting home Sunday evening. The rest of the family was at dinner, and the twins were already in their PJs, for goodness' sakes!

But Joel was very understanding. He listened attentively as I described Dr. Baldwin's mishap. Although Joel works as a sports writer now, he was a biology major in college, so he has a decent grasp of basic scientific principals and can follow me when I describe my work. Well, as long as I don't get too technical.

Tonight, though, I found myself biting my tongue. It wasn't work that had me upset, it was the mere presence of Benjamin Baldwin. I don't at all mind discussing my feelings about Dr. Baldwin with Joel or my mother-in-law, but I didn't want to get into too many details in front of the boys . . .

. . . and especially in front of my dear, sweet Nigel, who was bullied so cruelly by that little Sophia Baldwin that Joel and I ended up taking the boys out of public school to get him away from her.

Sophia, ha! Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth when she talks to adults, but I believed the boys when they told me how harsh she was to them on the school bus and at the playground. Last year was a misery for both boys, but I think it was worse for Nigel. He's so sensitive.

Sophia was in the third grade last year, and my boys were first graders. I know that kids will be kids, but Neville and Nigel were just babies, really. I was glad that we were able to enroll them in the Jarman Academy for their second grade year. It really is a wonderful school! The boys are learning the cello, studying Latin, and next term, they will have the opportunity to join a club or sports team of their choice. I know that they are getting an outstanding education, and Joel and I don't have to worry about subjecting them to the tender mercies of hoodlums like that Baldwin girl.

I suppose it's wrong of me to hold a grudge against Dr. Baldwin because of this, but I can't help myself. One should never disturb a mother bear's cubs!

Laurel's Busy Sunday (Sunday, Sept 28)

2008-12-05T13:55:00.001-05:00

Ben and I had hoped to get together for breakfast Sunday morning, but he called me on his way to the lab and let me know he couldn't make it. He told me there had been some trouble with his kids this morning - Sophia told her mother off!

I wish I could tell Isabel off, myself. OK, OK, I know it wasn't proper for Sophia to be rude to her mother, but I couldn't help but think: "You go, girl!"

I had some Slim Fast and then headed over to the shop.

There is so much to do! I don't know how I'm ever going to be ready for the Grand Opening. Only eight more days! No, oh no, only seven, actually!

I worked until five o'clock, and by then I was about to keel over. I was hungry and dirty and my legs were cramping from all the hard work. I had made a good deal of progress, though, so I was pleased.

I must say, I was definitely looking forward to getting home and taking a nice long bubble bath.

I opened my door to find my kitchen in flames.

Looking back now, everything that happened for about an hour after that is just a blur.

I remember running outside, screaming.

The lady that lives in the apartment across the way called the fire department and the landlord.

The firemen got the blaze under control very quickly.

They poked around in the ashes and announced that the fire was caused by faulty wiring.

Robert, my landlord, was unhappy because he is going to have to rebuilt my kitchen.

I was unhappy because his crap wiring had sparked a fire.

The only person who was happy was Martina Gates from Channel 6, who turned up to cover the story for the 11:00 news.

Damn vulture.

As soon as everyone had cleared out, I called Ben to let him know that I was OK. I didn't want him to hear about the fire on the news and then worry himself half to death.

He said he'd be over as soon as he could. I told him not to stress if he couldn't make it.

I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself.

Ben's Busy Sunday (Sunday, Sept 28)

2008-12-04T11:47:00.001-05:00

I was up really late working on the garbage disposal Saturday night. I don't feel like I got enough sleep, but I got up at 5:30 Sunday morning, anyway. I had things to do for my family.

Besides, I was hoping that if I got an early enough start, I'd have time to drop by Laurel's before I had to get to the lab.

But it didn't work out that way.

Isabel decided to join us for a family breakfast. It was nice in a way, but also a bit of a shock. She hasn't eaten a meal with us since . . . let's see . . . I guess it's been about two and a half weeks. It was a surprise, I suppose, but that was no reason for Sophia to react the way that she did.

She flat out pitched a fit and refused to eat at the same table with her mother. I didn't exactly know what to do. I thought about sending her to her room before she finished her breakfast, but honestly, I'm never 100% confident that she's eating well when I'm at work, so I settled for a stern reminder about respecting her elders.

Then I had to help Marcus with his potty. Dammitt! I thought we were past that stage, but I see now I was wrong. I wonder if this is normal. How old are kids when they stop having accidents? I don't even know. I'll have to look it up online. I am not cut out to be a mommy!

So, what with one thing and another, I barely made it to the lab on time to check my specimens. I didn't even have time to get Marcus dressed before I left.

My day did not improve.

My supervisor, Dr. Drummond, was at the lab catching up on some of her own work. So, she was present when I discovered that my experiment had failed.

I have no idea what went wrong, unless I took the samples out of their solutions too soon. Or too late? Nothing to do but make notes and try again. That's why we call it research.

Dr. Drummond stayed for several hours, assisting me with setting up new parameters for my next set of samples. It was kind of her to do so. We have had some differences in the past, but I respect her abilities as a scientist. And without her help, the work would have taken at least two days.

As it was, we were still wrapping up our work when the lab phone rang. For me. I felt my blood run cold. Isabel and Laurel were the only two people who I'd given the direct number to the lab. Neither of them would call except in case of an emergency . . . .

Laurel (Saturday, Sept 27)

2008-12-03T10:01:00.002-05:00

Ben called about nine o'clock Saturday night to let me know he wasn't going to come over. Seems he had a problem with the garbage disposal.

He acted kind of funny about it - like he expected me to be upset or something. I don't think that Ben really understands the role he has in my life.

I had only known Ben for a couple of hours when I realized I was in love with him. Our attraction is real and deep. I know that he's my soulmate.

When he told me that he was married, I let him know that it makes no difference to me. His marriage changes my behavior, but not my feelings. I couldn't just erase the fact that I love him.

Sometimes I get the idea that he thinks I sit around pining for him when he can't be with me because of his family or his job or whatever. That's not true. I would prefer to have him near me all the time, but I accept that this can't always be so. Although he is the center of my world, my life is very full.

I work out.

I do the things I need to do.

I enjoy going out and spending time with friends.

And, of course, setting up my business takes up a lot of my time.

I have always dreamed of owning my own fashion boutique - and designing my own clothing to sell there! One week from Monday, that dream will become a reality. It wouldn't have been possible without Ben. He loaned me the $5000 necessary to lease premises and stock the store. Well, I say loaned. Actually, the money was a gift, but I intend to pay him back.

I may be Ben's mistress, but I won't be his kept woman!

Ben's Evening (Saturday, Sept 27)

2008-12-01T14:18:00.011-05:00

Sofia came running out to give me a big hug when I arrived home from work. I was so proud of her! She had already taken her bath, eaten her dinner, and was all ready for bed. I've been working with her a lot lately, trying to help her understand that there are certain tasks that must be performed each day. She's been fighting it, but she is starting to show signs of accepting responsibility. Finding out how well she'd done today - well, it was a pleasant surprise.

When I walked inside the house, I got another surprise, and it was not pleasant. The stench from Marcus' potty nearly knocked me out. It was clear that the potty had not been emptied all day. And where was Marcus? I normally find him in his crib when I get home.

I paused and listened for a moment. I could hear Isabel in the kitchen, talking to Marcus.

I emptied and washed the potty as quickly as I could and went to the kitchen to say hello to the rest of my family.

Marcus was tired, which always makes him fussy. Isabel was in a foul mood, too, but that could not possibly be due to tiredness. It was obvious that she hadn't lifted a finger around the house all day.

As soon as I walked into the kitchen, she wanted to know why I had not come back there to greet her as soon as I had arrived home. I said something about the smell from Marcus' potty - and really, it was just a casual comment about needing to get it done right away! - and she instantly jumped my shit.

"You and your damn job!"
"You don't care anything about me!"
"You have no idea how hard it is, staying home all day with the kids!"
"Blah blah blah!"

Honestly, I stopped listening half way through her tirade. I don't see why she had to pitch a fit like that. All I did was make one innocent remark about the potty. I could have mentioned the half rancid formula bottles on the kitchen floor. I could have mentioned that Marcus still wearing the same pajamas I'd dressed him in last night. I could have mentioned that Sofia had to get her dinner and bath on her own. But I didn't.

There wasn't any point.

I put Marcus to bed. Sofia was sleeping soundly. Isabel had locked herself in the bathroom. Fine with me. I was reasonably confident that she wasn't in there slitting her wrists, and aside from that, I really didn't care much what she was up to. I sat down to try to enjoy a little peace and quiet.

Peace and quiet is hard for me to come by, though. Or at least, peace is. I kept worrying about work. I didn't want to have to work all weekend, but it was going to be necessary. The experimental cultures I had been growing in a Petri dish for the last two weeks were ready for analysis, and putting it off 'til Monday was not an option. The only reason I'd come home so early tonight was that the last set of cultures needed twelve more hours before I could safely put them under the microscope.

The first words of my job description are: "Researcher, Alternative Fuels. Schedule: Monday - Friday, 8am-5pm."

But that's just a lot of HR bullshit.

Research is a 24/7 job. Or at least, it's a "as much time as you can humanly spare" job.

But lately, I haven't been able to give it my all.

It's not that I don't love my work. I do. My team's research into alternative fuels could well lead to the production of the first truly affordable Green car. Who wouldn't want to be a part of that? How could I turn down my chance to make the world a better place for my children?

That was the kicker. My children. It's hard to focus on making a better future for them when I'm worried all the time about their present.

By no stretch of the imagination can I be called an expert in child development, but I am concerned that Marcus might not be reaching all his milestones on schedule. He can't talk, he can't walk, and the only reason he can use the potty is because I worked with him so intensively on it for the past few weeks. I know he isn't stupid, and I don't seriously think he has a learning disability. I suppose it's just that Isabel doesn't try to teach him things.

And then there's Sofia. She's a smart girl, and sweet when she wants to be, but there's no doubt she's got an attitude on her. It's bad enough that she's nine going on nineteen, but it's more than that. I'd almost say she seems arrogant. There haven't been any problems at school, but I find myself wondering if I'll start getting phone calls from the principal soon.

So with all this going on, the last thing I need to be thinking about is the first thing that I find myself thinking about at the end of a difficult day . . . .

I thought that cheating on my wife would make me feel like a horrible person, but so far, it hasn't. I guess it just doesn't feel like Laurel and I are doing anything wrong. I mean, yeah, we've had sex, we're only human. But with Laurel . . . I don't know. I need her. Not in a sexual way, but I . . . I just need her. When I'm with her, I feel good, and when I'm not, I feel bad. That's just how it is, and if that makes me a rotten shitass of a guy, well, then, I guess I'll just have to learn how to accept myself as a rotten shitass.

Not that I'll be getting a chance to see Laurel tonight, anyway.

Sofia's Day (Saturday, Sept 27)

2008-11-30T19:08:00.014-05:00

Mom and Dad were still asleep when I got up on Saturday, so I helped myself to some leftover pancakes from the fridge. I knew that Dad had left them in there just for me, in case I got hungry and Mom was busy on the computer or whatever. Dad is cool like that. He isn't a bitch like Mom.

Mom and Dad would die if they knew that I knew a word like "bitch". I use it, too. All the time, at school, when Mrs. McBane can't hear me.

My parent and teachers all think they are so smart. They think that they know all about me, but they don't know how grown-up I really am.

Mom came into the kitchen before I finished my pancakes. I wondered what she was doing out of bed so early. Mom didn't bother fixing herself a regular meal, and didn't even bother getting out some leftover pancakes. She just scarfed down some milk right from the carton, which I am not allowed to do.

Mom isn't very fair.

After breakfast, I went upstairs and played on the computer for a while. It was fun. I don't hardly ever get to play on the computer much, because Mom is always hogging it.

Dad came up to say hello and goodbye before he went to work. Dad works on Saturdays because he is a scientist and he says research does not take a day off. Whatever that means. Anyway, I asked him again about getting a computer for my room, but he still said no.

Marcus started crying right after Dad left. Mom had gone back to bed already. Marcus cried for a long time, like three hours. It got on my nerves, but there wasn't anything I could do about it.

I was glad when Mom finally got up and gave Marcus a bottle.

I took a bath and stuff and then later I called this girl Ashlee from school. She's not my friend, but I just felt like talking to her. I like to talk to people. I have more friends than any other girl in my class.

I talked to Ashlee for a really long time and at first I was mad at her because all she wanted to talk about was some stupid puzzle her parents bought her. But then we talked about school and stuff and that was funnier.

After I talked to Ashlee, I ate some salad Dad left in the fridge.

Dad got home just as I was getting ready for bed and I ran outside in my nightgown to give him a big hug. My dad is amazing.

Then I went to bed and that was my whole day.